Happy Fun Cog

It's a holiday weekend here, and me being me and not having a social life, I'm trying to spend my holiday by being productive. I bought some new work clothes and was thoroughly creeped out by how fucking young everybody working at the Express store was. Then I vacuumed my car, and stopped at Legal Seafoods to treat myself to a nice, healthy-ish lunch; I consider "healthy-ish" to be a sign of progress because it wasn't too long ago when my meals consisted almost entirely of pub food, friend eggs, or macaroni and cheese.

While I was at Legal Seafood, I had a number of Diet Cokes. I forget how many. I'd had 2 Diet Cokes before leaving home (12-oz cans) and consumed around four or five Diet Cokes (8-10 ounce glass) for lunch. Then, on the way home, I decided to treat myself to a green tea smoothie from one of those healthy-ish franchise stores. Then, upon returning home, I popped open another can of Diet Coke. It wasn't until I started pulling down that last Diet Coke in my gullet that I noticed my heart racing, and made the obvious connection between all the caffeine I'd consumed and my racing heart.

I've always lacked the ability to draw a straight line between the things I consume and their effect on my body. In some cases, like with alcohol, the connection is clear enough, but what I lack is the awareness to think, "OK, if I have two pints, I'll be socially lubricated AND able to hold a conversation with pretty girls." Instead, I finish those two pints and think, "Wow, I feel great! I'll have a third pint." Then, "Wow, if 3 pints make me feel this good, imagine how awesome I'd feel after a fourth pint!" Then, of course, my jaw stops working and instead of talking to girls I just stare at their rack and drool. Which they always think is suave.


We have these neat little coffee machines at work where you put in a 'flavor packet' into the machine, pick the size option from the electronic display that best matches the size of your coffee cup, and press the button to get your coffee. For a long time, I was using two flavor packets, yet only equating it as one cup of coffee because by picking the smaller size option, I was getting two packets worth of coffee into my cup.

It wasn't until a friend pointed it out that I realized I was in fact drinking double the amount of coffee that I thought I was.

In conclusion, I'm real smart.