Thursday, August 20, 2009
Rough Spots
I'm starting to go through some powerful mood swings that I think are associated with my lack of alcohol. I swing between happiness and nauseating bouts of anxiety and sadness in small frames of time. I don't think it's it's an indicator of anything wrong, though it sure as shit doesn't feel right. I think I'm just becoming accustomed to feeling emotions again after using alcohol and pot to manage my feelings for so many years.
The last time I quit drinking was around 7 years ago, and I quit for close to 18 months. I have vague memories of experiencing similar swings during that time; I definitely remember being racked by rage and sadness and pounding my fists against the shower stall wall in my apartment. At least these swings have more positive emotions to balance out the negative.
I'm in a better position to cope this second time around, I think, because I understand more about myself and what it is I'm dealing with. My analysis has definitely helped with that, as has a greater sense of maturity and purpose.
The last time I quit drinking was around 7 years ago, and I quit for close to 18 months. I have vague memories of experiencing similar swings during that time; I definitely remember being racked by rage and sadness and pounding my fists against the shower stall wall in my apartment. At least these swings have more positive emotions to balance out the negative.
I'm in a better position to cope this second time around, I think, because I understand more about myself and what it is I'm dealing with. My analysis has definitely helped with that, as has a greater sense of maturity and purpose.
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Do you find drinking dulls your emotions on a daily basis even when you aren't drinking?
# posted by 
: 4:03 PM
: 4:03 PM
Hmm... I would put it this way: even drinking just once a week allowed me to repress many more of my emotions because I knew I always had that out, that I could always avoid dealing with difficult feelings and thoughts by (subconsciously) waiting until I was drinking, and only then allow myself to feel and think certain things. That way, I could convince myself that all those feelings weren't really me. Plus, there's also alcohol's much-serenaded ability to help you simply forget.
By not drinking, I've put myself in a better position to confront a lot of the things that I've been avoiding. I'll always repress or avoid some things; it's human nature. I've just cut down on the number of places I can hide from myself.
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By not drinking, I've put myself in a better position to confront a lot of the things that I've been avoiding. I'll always repress or avoid some things; it's human nature. I've just cut down on the number of places I can hide from myself.
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