Thursday, October 15, 2009
Farting
I gave up drinking Diet Coke several months ago. I love Diet Coke, but for some reason it started making me feel gassy and bloated. Plus, I was farting a lot. So, I quit Diet Coke, and the gas problems went away quickly.
Over time, I forgot why it was exactly that I quit drinking it. Or rather, I remembered, but dismissed it because I could drink a Diet Coke without getting gassy. So, I did the smart thing and went on a binge, drinking Diet Coke every day for the past few weeks, drinking probably half a litre on any given Saturday or Sunday (not so much during the week). Well, now the farts are back and I'm forced to admit that I knew this problem would happen but I drank the stuff anyway and now I'm farting like there's no tomorrow. So I have to quit again. What a pain in the ass.
Over time, I forgot why it was exactly that I quit drinking it. Or rather, I remembered, but dismissed it because I could drink a Diet Coke without getting gassy. So, I did the smart thing and went on a binge, drinking Diet Coke every day for the past few weeks, drinking probably half a litre on any given Saturday or Sunday (not so much during the week). Well, now the farts are back and I'm forced to admit that I knew this problem would happen but I drank the stuff anyway and now I'm farting like there's no tomorrow. So I have to quit again. What a pain in the ass.
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God, you oversharing emotional types make me sick. I don't want to hear about your bowel problems, man. That's your own personal problem. Why do you have to make it everyone else's problem? You're nothing but a goddamn socialist. You'd be happy if we all had healthcare and then sat around talking about are health problems, wouldn't you? You suck.
One time I had an intestinal issue, and I never told anyone about it, never overshared. I was shitting four or five days a week. And these were huge dumps. I was pretty much filling up the toilet bowl. And the fecal matter was so viscous that I had to use cloth rags to wipe my ass. I would bring five rags to work each day and flush them down the toilet when I was done. And did I complain about it?
Even when the manager, who I knew and who was a good guy (it was a small business) came around and was asking us who was messing up the plumbing and they needed it to stop because the pipes were getting clogged so badly that they had to call in a plumber every week, even then I didn't say anything. Because it was my problem, no one else's.
Eventually, they went out of business, something about out of control costs, I don't know. Actually, that happened at the next few places I worked at, too... weird... anyway, the point is that I don't burden other people with my problems, and you should do the same.
You make me sick. I'll never read this blog again.
One time I had an intestinal issue, and I never told anyone about it, never overshared. I was shitting four or five days a week. And these were huge dumps. I was pretty much filling up the toilet bowl. And the fecal matter was so viscous that I had to use cloth rags to wipe my ass. I would bring five rags to work each day and flush them down the toilet when I was done. And did I complain about it?
Even when the manager, who I knew and who was a good guy (it was a small business) came around and was asking us who was messing up the plumbing and they needed it to stop because the pipes were getting clogged so badly that they had to call in a plumber every week, even then I didn't say anything. Because it was my problem, no one else's.
Eventually, they went out of business, something about out of control costs, I don't know. Actually, that happened at the next few places I worked at, too... weird... anyway, the point is that I don't burden other people with my problems, and you should do the same.
You make me sick. I'll never read this blog again.
# posted by 
: 5:07 PM
: 5:07 PM
Oh my god. You're so insensitive. At least you have the right to complain about your problems! You know, there's this one bottled water company that supports a military dictatorship that rules the island it comes from, and I was reading about how they monitor all the internet traffic so they can keep people from complaining about things. I think it was Poland Springs, which comes from some place called Maine. I don't know. I only drink Fiji, so it's not my problem.
And could you be any more insensitive to those who are born without rectums?!? You should be thankful that you can fart! You're such an elitist pig. I'll never read this blog again.
And could you be any more insensitive to those who are born without rectums?!? You should be thankful that you can fart! You're such an elitist pig. I'll never read this blog again.
# posted by : 5:10 PM
: 5:10 PM
Shit. I made a huge mistake in my post that I should've noticed. I meant to say that I was shitting four to five times a DAY.
You make me sick. I'll never read this blog again.
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You make me sick. I'll never read this blog again.
# posted by : 5:12 PM
: 5:12 PMSubscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
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