Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A Question of Taste
I've noticed of late that I have a very difficult time finishing movies. It upsets me because, as someone who studied film in college, the act of watching good movies is part of my identity. By "good" I'm not talking about art films, though those are nice, too; I'm talking good basic movies that are generally agreed to be not shitty, movies that aren't extended beer commercials with special effects or extended jerk-off sessions by any given auteur.
I have a Netflix account and make a point of constantly adding more movies to it as I read or hear about the movies in my daily life. Let's work with some examples: "World's Greatest Dad" and "Chalk" are two movies I got recently through Netflix. Both are exactly the kind of movies that have appealed to me in the past (quirky and/or dark, good writing, good acting, etc) and I love the theory of them. But I can't finish them for one reason or another. In the case of "World's Greatest Dad," I had that in my apartment before finally sending it back after several failed attempts to make it all the way through.
Now you might say, "But Jack, maybe you just don't like the movies. Maybe they don't do it for you. What's the big deal in sending them back?" To which I say, "But WHY don't I like them?" I feel a need to make myself watch movies to understand why I don't like them. Is it because both of these movies revolve around socially maladjusted people who remind me of myself for one reason or another and so therefore I want to avoid watching them in difficult situations? That's what I think, and that's why I try to force myself to watch them because I feel that I have to identify all instances of avoidance in my life and try to force myself to confront them. So, in this case, it means making myself watch movies that I don't want to watch.
And therefore I find myself in ridiculous situations where I have movies further down my Netflix queue that I know I want to watch, but I have to put them on hold because I feel like I have to force myself to watch movies that I don't want to watch because I'm concerned about my motives for not wanting to watch.
And so it's fucking ridiculous. Just writing this post makes me feel ridiculous about the whole damn thing.
Another point is that I remember being in my 20's and listening to people older than me talk about how they just didn't have the energy after work to watch challenging films and I remember thinking to myself, "I'll never be that way. What losers. If your job makes you so tired that all you want to watch are comfort movies, then you lose at life." And now I'm in that same position. It's not a big deal, it just bugs the shit out of me.
I have a Netflix account and make a point of constantly adding more movies to it as I read or hear about the movies in my daily life. Let's work with some examples: "World's Greatest Dad" and "Chalk" are two movies I got recently through Netflix. Both are exactly the kind of movies that have appealed to me in the past (quirky and/or dark, good writing, good acting, etc) and I love the theory of them. But I can't finish them for one reason or another. In the case of "World's Greatest Dad," I had that in my apartment before finally sending it back after several failed attempts to make it all the way through.
Now you might say, "But Jack, maybe you just don't like the movies. Maybe they don't do it for you. What's the big deal in sending them back?" To which I say, "But WHY don't I like them?" I feel a need to make myself watch movies to understand why I don't like them. Is it because both of these movies revolve around socially maladjusted people who remind me of myself for one reason or another and so therefore I want to avoid watching them in difficult situations? That's what I think, and that's why I try to force myself to watch them because I feel that I have to identify all instances of avoidance in my life and try to force myself to confront them. So, in this case, it means making myself watch movies that I don't want to watch.
And therefore I find myself in ridiculous situations where I have movies further down my Netflix queue that I know I want to watch, but I have to put them on hold because I feel like I have to force myself to watch movies that I don't want to watch because I'm concerned about my motives for not wanting to watch.
And so it's fucking ridiculous. Just writing this post makes me feel ridiculous about the whole damn thing.
Another point is that I remember being in my 20's and listening to people older than me talk about how they just didn't have the energy after work to watch challenging films and I remember thinking to myself, "I'll never be that way. What losers. If your job makes you so tired that all you want to watch are comfort movies, then you lose at life." And now I'm in that same position. It's not a big deal, it just bugs the shit out of me.
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