Saturday, April 17, 2010
Random thoughts
- This week, in my weekly one-on-one with my manager (said meetings are more or less a standard practice in the company I work for) my boss told me in a very nice way that I needed to not get stressed out about things as much as I do and to have faith that things would work out in the end. It's a very fair point for her to make; I treat many things at work as if they were going to be looked at as a summary of my value as a person and an employee. I really do need to take a step back and take a deep breath. But it's so hard to do that. I know it's the right thing to do, but it's just so hard for me to be relaxed about things.
- I was thinking tonight about how, on the one hand, it bothers me that I don't have much of a social life outside of my girlfriend. On the other hand, I find that there's so much that I want to do or need to do with my time (reading, writing, tae kwon do, etc.) that the time I spend with my girlfriend is the only social time I can spare. Then I realized that that's probably exactly how my father feels about things, given his devotion to reading and his job. I've spent most of my adult life looking at my father in a judgmental way, and now I see a connection between that and my own persistent sense of self-criticism/loathing. I think that if I could feel more compassion and forgiveness towards my father, and indeed towards most people, then I could feel that for myself as well. Or I could just be a miserable, judgmental bastard for the rest of my life. Either way.
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